It's been a week...

So, it feels like an eternity since last I blogged, and things have been happening.

First of all, we had a lovely anniversary dinner out.  We went to Chili's and they have a great deal -- dinner, appetizer, 2 margaritas AND dessert for 35$...yum.  Service was awesome...company was the best!

I'm exhausted because we've been so busy between home life and work...I've got exactly four weeks to "D Day"...FCAT Writes...I've been training these students the entire year -- for the 45 minutes they will have on February 28th...a year of working for 45 minutes of testing.

The stress is starting to get to me...my lovely teammate will be helping me blitz them -- as we will both be hitting writing pretty hard for 3 weeks.  I am overwhelmed...and freaking out a little because I am handing off a lot of my power, and that scares me (as I am a control freak to an extent).

I just feel like crying a lot -- and I keep telling myself about how far they have come, and believe me they have come far.  I've got students that wrote sentences that were NOT comprehensible to now they are writing with feeling and emotion and pictures...you should see the pictures some of them can write.  Why am I scared?

I know where they've come from.  I know how far they've progressed.  I know how strong they can be.  I know how passionate they are about SOME subjects.  I know they are capable.  I know they are talented...I know all these things...

But the person that grades them...that's not me.  They don't know that many of them STILL don't use periods like they should.   They CAME to me that way and no matter how hard I've hit it, they still haven't got that down. They don't know that they struggle with the words they use in conversation being a completely different language than the words they read in the books.  They don't know that teachers before me have push them forward, or principals before have, because they didn't want to DEAL with them.  I have students that can't read...can't write...thinking is out of the question.  They don't know that some of my students' parents will move them from one school to the next on a monthly basis, move them from our school to another and then back again several times in ONE school year.  Some of them will only make their child go to school when they are threatened by the truancy officer...the person scoring my tests...they don't know my kids.  Then the students that WANT to learn, but can't because 40% of their class have never been made to behave, or have had things handed to them for so long, and they expect it.  Too many people want to help them...be their friends...make things easier...it doesn't make it easier!!!

I have to take comfort only in the fact that I have done what I needed to do to teach them...please God give them what they need for the 45 minutes because they will be judged...by people that don't know them.

I'm scared out of my mind...please God give me strength to get through this month.

LIfe gets in the way...

So, Ginger had the courtesy to wake me at 3:00 a.m. this morning. Needless to say, I'm starting to get sleepy, but I'm taking a minute to clear my mind before I head to bed...or I'm filling time so I don't feel so old going to bed before 9:15.

It's been a long day, and all I can think of is how much life gets in the way.  It's kind of blah really.  So much just seemed to go awry.  It's just been an Alexander kind of day...where it's hard to appreciate the good stuff...because it just kind of turns out sideways.

There is so much I want to "do" and I feel like I can't accomplish anything because life gets in the way.  I want to reconnect with people, and life gets in the way.  I want to make plans for the future...and life gets in the way.

Choices were easier when it was strawberry or vanilla, blue shirt or green one, Doc's or Keds...you know -- those kind of ideas.  Now it's so much more complicated and I'm JUST not talking which bill do I let slide until I can catch up on Christmas overspending either. LOL

So, in the spirit of positivity...I want to reflect upon the wow so far...and wow in a good way:

Wow, I've just passed 13 years of marriage to an amazing man that loves me...Happy Anniversary to us, yesterday.  Wow, I have a sleeping teeny-tiny Yorkie draped across my lap...and she's perfectly content to be there.  Wow, we found the icky thing that was making the house smell funny...so glad we didn't have company come over.  Wow, it was a gorgeous cool night that I sat out in the driveway and had a leisurely conversation with my husband.  Wow, Lizzie DIDN'T get run over by the car speeding down our street as she came rolling out into the street WITHOUT looking from her friend's driveway 5 houses down...and she only SLIGHTLY protested when I sat her in timeout for it for her full 7 minutes.  Wow, my husband brought me food (when he didn't have to) since I missed my lunch for a meeting, a good meeting though.  Wow, my preteen is doing the dishes, even if I had to raise my voice to make her do it.  Wow, that same daughter is in her play and so excited because tonight was her first rehearsal.  Wow, my bestie called me and we got to talk a few minutes...I've missed her. Wow, my sweet Mother-in-law called just to say hey and let us know she would watch the kids if we wanted to go to dinner for our anniversary.  Wow, my husband got a 25$ gift card to Chili's so he can take me to a dinner and not interrupt our saving.

Wow...what a great day.

This week...

...has completely kicked my tooshy.

Everything is at right.  My husband is home, my dogs are not barking at every tick and noise, my Lizzie is sleeping across his lap, my older two are happily occupied on art and computer activities.  No one is fighting, no one is angry, everyone is at peace.

With that...I'm old and happily off to sleep.

'Night ya'll.

National Dress Your Pet Up Day...

So, upon arriving home, the first thing my daughter says to me...is not "hello," "hi" or "It's so nice to see you!" but instead she tells me... "Hey Mom, today is National Dress Your Pet Up Day."

Really? A national dress you pet up day?? Is that entirely necessary? I have to admit -- Ginger does own clothing -- and it's super really cute -- she doesn't wear any of it usually -- unless it's cold out.  Which...well, we live in Florida...'nuff said.

I go and check and sure enough -- there IS a National Dress Your Pet Up day...however, it was January 14th of this year.  In my search to find the validity of this holiday, I've stumbled across a number of other holidays.

SO...Just in case you wanted to know...I bet this is a list of holidays you have neglected to celebrate in the last couple days.  Also a jump start on a few holidays you might like to observe in the near future:

January 3rd: Humiliation Day AND Fruitcake Toss Day -- not to mention Festival of Sleep Day

January 8th: Bubble Bath Day and Male Watcher's Day

January 17th: National Ditch New Year's Resolution Day

January 20th: Penguin Awareness Day

January 24th:  Beer Can Appreciation Day

AND just so you do not forget to observe it -- THIS entire MONTH is National Hobby, Oatmeal, Soup, Bath Safety, Blood Donor, Braille Literacy and HOT TEA month.

To find out how to celebrate these and other holidays...check out the site I found this invaluable information on.

Perspective...

Every day...every single one...I get to wake up next to a man that has chosen me.  Can you believe it?? He picked ME of all the girls, and I love him so very much, even more tomorrow than today.  I can honestly say I still get a delight when I sign my name...Mrs. Harriger -- it's been thirteen years of signing my name "Mrs. Kimberly Harriger" and it hasn't gotten old yet...I don't think it ever will.

Every day...each one that I wake...I have three healthy, beautiful, caring and loving children that call me "Mommy" and that love me.  Not a day goes by without them -- they are safe and secure and loved in my home.  They try and strive, hurt and cry, learn and grow, think and wonder...and they are mine.

Not a day goes by that the sun doesn't rise and set on a job well done, a job that God made me to do...a job that I love going to each day -- no matter the challenges and the strain.  EVERY day is a good day...even with bad things happening -- I not only work -- but I work at a job that in my heart I truly live to do.  The long hours, the extra effort, some draining people that work around me, the draining students that require so much more than at at "regular school."  Not one of those things matter...because I can smile and say, "Good After Morning, Mrs. Harriger's class..." they are MY class.

I have my health.  I do not have cancer...I do not have other health issues that hinder me...I have been healed of emotional afflictions, physical ailments and pain.  I have a healthy heart and yes, I could take better care of my body -- but compared to some...compared to myself...I am healthy...healthier...alive.

I have a home, a car, food in my pantry, clothes on my back, extended family to love (blood, marriage and the chosen ones that have been family for 1...10...16...18...21...25 years -- you know who you are), I have pets, I have so very much...so, so very much.

BUT...even if it all ended tomorrow...even if I lost everything -- all these beautiful gifts of life that I have been given and I so cherish all disappeared...I would STILL be blessed.  I do not deserve all that I have been given, I don't pretend that I'm remotely worthy -- but I will relish in it and love while I'm blessed to love, give while I'm blessed to give, share, laugh, smile, care...while I'm blessed to do so.

My take on football...

Coming from a mother/wife/woman's perspective that grew up in a house that football was a poster on my brother's wall and a game that he watched behind closed doors and NOT a family sport that we watched together...I love football.

I have never had a "team" until I got married and henceforth adopted my husband's 49ers -- which was a good team to adopt because unbeknownst to me cousins, uncles, aunts and other family are on that same train -- it's nice.  Well, we were married in 1999 and shortly after that our 9ers suffered a fall...a slump...and well...it was...depressing.  We watched the few games we could over the last 10 years -- being on the east coast is not conducive to supporting a west coast team...especially in Florida with THREE teams for them to televise. 

That being said -- did you catch that game on Saturday. I'm STILL feeling good about it. Oh man...what a game!!  My cousin told me to hold faith -- I have to be honest, I was counting our blessings for a great season at 1 minute 37 seconds left.  "We'll try again next year." I said to myself...and then....Davis....Vernon Davis...I wanted to cry with him.  It was beautiful...it was the most amazing footbal I've ever seen in my life...I didn't think it was possible....anything is possible.  What a game -- I need a jersey. *lol*

Speaking of...each season my hubby has worn his hat, jerseys, t-shirts....each season...and people would point and snicker. Every Christmas I would have my pick of shirts, hats, towels, cups...any fan paraphernalia that I wanted...I could hit a sports store on Christmas Eve and be covered for 9ers stuff for the year.  This year however...

Seriously folks -- where were you buying all my 49ers gear for the last 10 years??  Why can I NOW not find a hat to save my life, a jersey -- yeah...it ain't happening? Anyway -- I'm glad that people are jumping on the bandwagon -- maybe we can get some show-ups and stays for our Super Bowl party this year... ;')

I'm hoping for another this Sunday...Let's go all the way boys!!!

The good stuff...

...I always tell my kids that the good stuff goes in the middle and I equate it to a Heads or Tails Double Stuffed Oreo Cookie.  Where the top and bottom are similar, but not the same and important and necessary, but generally what you rush through to get to the "good stuff."

I'm hoping this lesson is sinking in -- but honestly, I'm just not sure sometimes...they can recite it -- but do they know what I mean.  ANYHOW, this wasn't intended to be a deep introspective review of my teaching skill or habits...

I have been blessed with three amazing children.  Cassidy is the quintessential over-achieving oldest child.  She tries to mother her siblings, raise the bar ridiculously high and achieves at much of everything that she tries to accomplish.  She excels in academics, she's beautiful, she is nice to everyone that she meets (except her little sister and her mother at times), she is artistic and musical, she can play piano by ear and blows my mind away with her ability with the violin, she sets trends that people follow, she seems to do anything and everything that she puts her mind to.  She generally impresses people with her abilities in just about everything but has taken to melodramatics recently as she's entering her teens.

Then there is Lizzie...the quintessential under-achieving youngest child.  She resists being controlled, she refuses to do the work unless there is a dire consequence or worthwhile reward.  She knows how to dress, she knows how to flaunt her attitude, style and smarts.  She does the bare minimum that she needs to do because she can and STILL excel beyond many of her peers because she's just that good.  She charms people with her presence, she is adored by strangers and has a solid following in 4th grade of fans.  She could out-class Cassidy in achievements...if she wanted to...but she doesn't want to...because she doesn't care, it's not important to her.  She can pick up skills and teacher her classmates, brother and sister if she wanted...goodness knows she teaches me.  She delights people, but has a temper the size of Texas.

Then...there's the good stuff...right there in the middle.  We've got Austin.  He's really a great kid.  He's smart, but not as "smart" as his sisters according to the GSP testing. He's not musically talented, he's not going to win an academy award, he probably won't be the star player on any team as far as skill goes.  He's little, he's fast, he's such a loving child.  He doesn't have any qualities about him that people latch onto...he's handsome, but he doesn't flaunt it.  He's smart...but he doesn't exclaim it.  He's diligent, he's got immense concentration, he can pick up and master a new skill almost instantly,  he doesn't generally complain...about anything...he is such a joy to be a mom to...to be a teacher to...to be a friend to.  He doesn't get the credit he deserves...most of the time. He's sensitive and sweet and I know he doesn't get the spotlight near enough -- he's always been overshadowed by Cassidy's achievements at his old school ("That's Cassidy's little brother.") ...and now it seems that he's being overshadowed by Lizzie at his new school. ("What's it like to be Lizzie's brother?")  He is who he is because of his family and everything that has been part of his life to now... so Austin wouldn't be Austin without Cassidy and Lizzie (or on a slightly larger scale Daddy and Mommy for that matter).

He really is some good stuff though...really, really good stuff.

You're Never Fully Dressed...

...Without a smile....

I love my daughter -- I'm crazy, mad WILD about her.  I just really and so tired of that song.  I wanted to make a short video and upload it so you could see (I'm so impressed with her) but if I have to hear that song ONE MORE TIME this week I think I'm going to break down into tears. *as I pretend that it is NOT the song she is singing quietly while doing the dishes not 20 feet from me.


I promise to do it soon. I wish I'd gotten to see her audition...we practiced so much that SHE was getting sick of that song.  She mixed up her audition day schedule -- so we sat and waited to be the very last audition today.  I sat with her on a cold tile floor, with my legs falling asleep every two minutes, in my work clothes (a dress) without supper (til almost 8) nothing to occupy my time (except listening to high school students trying to get excited parents, children and other teenagers to shuush so that the auditions could be heard by the director and team of people judging the auditions) and watched my daughter become increasingly more nervous with every stroke of the second hand....tick.....tock.

It was nice to spend awkward time with her, it was nice to BE there for her first ever audition for anything...and it was really all worth it -- completely and totally worth while when she came out of that room beaming from ear-to-ear with her callback paper, with the words..."Congratulations! You have received a callback!" highlighted in yellow at the top of the sheet and a explicit instructions of what that means and how to proceed.

I hope she receives SOME part in the show, I know she will be horribly disappointed initially if she doesn't have a name -- but at the same time -- she will be so excited to be IN the show once the production and rehearsals start running.

I'm so proud of her, and it's sincerely amazing to see her grow and shape into the beautiful, ambitious and talented young lady that she is...despite all the melancholy dramatics, it's moments like today that just really make being a parent a neat experience.

Send good thoughts her way between 3:45 and 7:00 EST tomorrow -- she will be singing, learning a short dance and doing what she can to WOW her way into the show.

Killer heels...

I mean fierce. I'm talking wedge heel, suede shoe -- leopard print.  You'd NEVER think that I'd be sporting them...but I was...and I was a good 3 inches taller wearing them too.

Here's the thing -- me + fashion = huh?  How do you know -- even these fierce, killer heels that I purchased...were done so at PayLess.  They were full price and NOT on clearance though...so they are THIS season's cheap shoe. :)

Here's the thing, my daughter -- Lizzie -- the little one...well she did NOT inherit my obliviousness for fashion.  That child can put together an outfit complete with matching accessories and has schemed out a 'do for her locks and even a makeup PLAN. No, I do not let my 7 year old daughter wear makeup...by plan I mean simply this:  She stands in the mirror and looks at her face and you can see her contemplating what minimal makeup she needs to create her complete cohesive "look" and then she sighs.  There is always a sigh.  NEXT she looks at me with that pathetic look.  Finally, it's there...she adds the words, "I know I can't put on any makeup...but I just WISH I could put on just blush....and a eensy teensy little bit of lipstick....maybe a little bit of purple eye shadow."

By the time she says "eye shadow" the pathetic act has been forgotten and she is now pantomiming the actions of putting on these makeup devices...this is where I usually say no and hand her the clear cherry cola lip gloss by Bonnie Belle.  She pouts, which is perfect for me to take back the lip gloss and dap four spots on her bottom lip and tell her to smoosh them together.  She knows I'm not going to budge and smiles in the mirror at her lip gloss and skips off to tell Daddy how beautiful she looks.  When I say, TELL Daddy how beautiful she looks -- I mean, "Daddy, look how pretty I am...I did my hair myself and picked out this outfit all by myself.  See?"  Then prances off like a diva.

Well, the child isn't shy.  That much I can say -- she struts when she wears her "Miss Christi" boots (black soft ankle boots with an inch heel) and when I say STRUTS...the child moves with purpose, sass and attitude -- think runway.  She will be the first to ask me..."Mommy, are you really going to wear that?  It kind of sort of...well, it doesn't....go."  People...she is seven. Yes, my fashion consultant cannot fluently read or comprehend a fashion magazine, but probably knows more about style than I ever will.

Anyhow, I walk out of my bedroom this morning...wearing my fierce, killer, leopard suede, wedge heel shoe and they literally STOP my child in her tracks. "O....M....G.... I. LOVE. thoseshoes.  Can I have them?"

And THAT, ladies and gents is how I officially know that my shoes were totally fierce and killer...that and the fact that my walking was significantly hindered (being in such a high shoe for the duration of the day).

A voice only a daughter could love...

My husband informed me last night that no one reads blogs anymore, people are only interested in vlogs these days.  Coming from an overly self-conscious and freaked out individual, you will most likely never catch me vlogging...mainly because the thought of someone judging my occasional outbreaks of adult acne, gigantic nose, long chin and stringy hair face-to-face when I CAN hear what they say is terrifying...I can't imagine what people would say about me in the privacy of their own computer space.  So as paranoia sets in -- no I will never vlog.

This has set my husband on the conclusion that no one will read my blog...except of course HIM. :)  I'm okay with that.

Despite my camera shyness and my strong desire to stay OUT of the spot light, it's funny to think how much I wanted to act and sing when I was young....er....younger. :)  In my head I was a starlet on stage somewhere when I would be discovered and whisked off to Hollywood where I would promptly star in a major movie role and marry Johnny Depp and be set for life.  Alas...it was not to be...but recently I have been discovered.

You would never believe it but I've been singing for 25 years, exercise my voice in many venues (including the shower, stoplights and highways), that I've been a mother for nearly 13 years and it has taken my 7 year old daughter (about a week ago) to discover that I'm a "good singer."  Now I give nightly concerts of "You Are My Sunshine," "Hush Little Baby,"  a number of Disney tunes and any country songs that I can recall from my "listening to grownup music before Kids Place Live on XM" days.

I know that I have not been blessed with the amazing talent of Whitney, Celine or even Martina...but I do have a voice that my daughter loves.  I'll never sell records, or even a single -- I mean...my oldest closes her door, politely...but it does get closed. But Lizzie and Austin got their room clean...the SAME room that I've been requesting they clean for the last 2 weeks...clean...CLEAN CLEAN...like vacuumed and NOthing on the floor within 5 minutes when I said it was too dirty for me to come in and not hurt myself to sing tonight.  I wish I'd taken a before and after picture...I was amazed.

I can't shatter glass, fill houses, call birds, make rodents, forest animals and fairytale creatures abide to my will...but I can clean rooms with my voice...vacuumed, picked up and more than walkable clean.  My children love my voice...or maybe they just love the opportunity to stay up the extra 20 minutes while I sing. Hmmm...now I wonder.

So...

...I've always wanted to blog. I did a spot of it back on myspace...yeah, I know...and when I did that I managed to make a bunch of people mad...ANYWAY...

The trouble is, I'm not really that clever -- and you'd think I should be considering that I teach 4th grade WRITING of all things, have an awesome husband, three incredible children and lead a generally satisfying life...well, maybe you'd not think I should...hmmmm the arguments for my not doing this are stacking up.

I'm 33 (proud to be 33...looking forward to 34) and I'm in my second year of teaching. I'm graciously going gray, I found a handful of grays and was really tickled.  My husband scoffed at my delight, as I counted each of them  I think I'm up to nearly a dozen -- I'm sure it (my delight) won't last long as I am overly vain at times but for the last year I've enjoyed my 12 gray hairs that glisten in my dark undyed hair. 

I graduated college at 31 - just in time for teachers everywhere to be laid off, making it the hardest time ever to be a teacher. I'm a classic "life got in the way of my dreams" case, and I can't honestly say that I'm sad about it.  Could life have been easier? Oh heck YES!  Could life be harder? I'm sure it could...but not by much.  Could I have gone on that trans-Europe backpack trip that I planned and planned with my best friend from the time I was 12 if life hadn't gotten in the way? Probably...well, probably not. See, it's easier to blame it on life getting in the way rather than my apparent and glaring lack of follow-through.  I'll be surprised if I can finish this entry...ummm...keep a blog.

None-the-less it all boils down to one simple sentence:  I am immeasurably blessed.

Despite the preteen-I-hate-my-life-and-everyone-in-it angst of my oldest daughter and my youngest the-world-is-melting-if-I-can't-have-a-pouch-drink-right-now daughter.  I am immeasurably blessed.  Maybe because I have my the-rules-state-you-must-follow-them-to-a-tee-or-the-universe-WILL-implode son that keeps me grounded.  Then there's my husband, that tolerates us all (and does a great job at it I might add). It took a lot of training to get him as good as he is now...not that I'm taking credit for the training -- he went through a lot of trial and error self-training.  Like I said...it really just boils down to, no matter the trials and tribulations...pain and panic...suffering and....another "s" word since I've got the alliteration thing going here...I am immeasurably blessed.